Do you want to build a solid reputation with a new team? Have valuable working relationships with your teammates? Lead your team towards productivity and success? It all starts building confidence within your team. In this article, we’ll be focusing on actions you can take to increase the confidence other people have in you, which includes proving to others that you’re capable, honest, trustworthy, and reliable.
This is a second lesson in a confidence-boosting series. In the first lesson, we learned what the word “confidence” really means and we discussed actions to boost your self-confidence. Self-confidence can be critical to building credibility with your teammates. Will your teammates trust you if you’re constantly doubting yourself? If you’re new to the team, some people might overlook that self-doubt. You’re new after all! But, your newbie status won’t last long, so make sure to work on boosting your self-confidence.
The third and final lesson of this confidence-boosting series will discuss how to increase the confidence you have in other people. In other words, what you can do to gain (or regain) trust in your teammates.
Disclaimer: I’m an engineer, not a therapist. In this article, I’ll only talk about what I’ve seen work in organizational team settings. If you’re running into conflicts with someone on a student team, don’t be afraid to reach out to a school guidance counselor, resident assistant, or faculty member that you trust. Similarly, if you’re having issues with a colleague that you’re struggling to resolve on your own, reach out to your manager, Human Resource (HR) department, Ombuds Office, or employee assistance program.
Increasing confidence other people have in you
To be successful in life, you need people, such as teammates, leaders, and customers, to trust and respect you. They need to believe that you’re capable and reliable. This becomes even more important as you step into leadership positions. If your team can’t trust you or rely on you as their leader, the entire team is going to struggle.
The bad news: Unless you’re a supervillain with mind-control powers, you can’t directly control how other people view you.
The good news: You can certainly influence how people view you. How? To increase the confidence others have in you, you need to show people that you’re capable, honest, trustworthy, and reliable. You’ll notice that these four words become repeated themes throughout this page.
1. Arm yourself with knowledge.
Your teammates and leaders will trust you more if you show that you’re putting in the effort to learn the necessary skills for the job. Having a growth mindset where you’re always willing to learn more and are constantly finding ways to better yourself will have a huge impact on your life. It will help you grow in your career and form better relationships, both of which will help you build an outstanding reputation on your team.
Note that you never need to “know everything”. Nobody knows everything! Whether you’re new to the team or a seasoned veteran, the key is to never stop learning.
Arming yourself with knowledge will also help you build self-confidence, and that confidence can rub off on the people around you. Just avoid going too far – you don’t want to become arrogant! Balance your newfound confidence with some humbleness. That can easily be achieved with a growth mindset and by following the other steps below.
Building knowledge when you’re new to a team
When you’re brand new to a team, the amount you need to learn can be overwhelming. Don’t stress out. Take it one day at a time. No one will expect you to know everything on day one!
One of the first things I do when I join a new team is to gather resources. Create lists of websites, books, and other resources where you can find helpful information. As you start supporting meetings or working through tasks, write down all your questions and see what you can answer by yourself using those websites and other resources you collected. Don’t bug your busy teammates with questions that you can easily find on your own. Your teammates will likely trust you more (and help you more!) if they see how much you’re trying to learn on your own.
The second thing I do in parallel is to build relationships with my new teammates and leaders/managers. You need people (potentially a lot of people) you can go to to ask questions and to get advice. Chances are you’ll also need some on-the-job training. It’s good to be proactive and find various people who are willing to help teach you or guide you through unfamiliar processes or technical tasks.
2. Admit it when you’re wrong.
Whether you’re on the wrong side of a debate, you missed a deadline, or just made a mistake, you need to accept responsibility for your actions, especially when it affects other people. This can be extremely difficult to do (seriously, it’s tough). But remember that everyone screws up at some point. There are even whole books written about how the road to success is paved with “failures”. Instead of trying to hide, deflect, or makeup excuses, you will gain a lot more respect on your team if you simply admit that you were wrong.
Own up to your mistake, apologize to the people who were affected, and move on.
I’ll never forget a response I received from a coworker one day. She was absolutely shocked that I openly apologized for something I misstated in an email. She told me that no one had ever apologized to her at work before (which in turn shocked me!). That simple exchange bolstered our trust in each other and we’ve had a great relationship at work ever since.
Now that you’ve owned up to your mistake, you’ll also want to make sure you don’t repeat that same mistake in the future. Repeating mistakes is a sure way for others to lose confidence in you. Use the moments you’re wrong as opportunities to learn and grow. Don’t beat yourself up over the mistake. Instead, figure out how you’ll improve in the future. Take the time to ask for help if you need it. Do some research. Build new habits. Do whatever it takes to prevent the same mistake from happening twice.
3. Don’t point fingers.
If someone else on your team did something wrong, don’t throw that person under the bus. Pointing fingers rarely fixes the issue and may end up exacerbating the situation. Try your best to stick to the facts, strive to understand what’s wrong and what could be done to fix it, and try to keep your emotions in check.
If you’re struggling to control your emotions (let’s face it, it happens to the best of us!), walk away from the situation temporarily. Write everything down and set it aside. If you have time, wait a full 24 hours. The goal is to clear your mind before sharing it with anyone. When you come back to it, edit what you wrote and try to take out any unnecessary anger, frustration, etc. before emailing it or before you go into a meeting to discuss it. It can also be helpful to talk it through with a trusted friend or colleague first.
For the leaders out there, you need to own not only your failures but the failures of your entire team. This extreme ownership mindset will drive you to constantly find ways to improve your team while also gaining your team’s trust.
“On any team, in any organization, all responsibility for success and failure rests with the leader. The leader must own everything in his or her world. There is no one else to blame. The leader must acknowledge mistakes and admit failures, take ownership of them, and develop a plan to win.”
― Jocko Willink, Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win
4. Be consistent with your messaging.
You can’t tell your boss one thing and your teammates another. Using different approaches when talking to different people is natural, but the overall message should be the same. You shouldn’t tell your coworker, Emily, that she’s doing a great job at leading a meeting, and then go tell your manager that Emily is awful at facilitating meetings. That’s just sneaky and dishonest… and you’ll quickly find that no one trusts you anymore.
While you can’t make everyone happy all the time, by being honest and open you can gain everyone’s respect and trust.
Note: being consistent with your messaging doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind. If you learn something new and its causes you to change your mind, that’s just part of being human! The key in this instance is to clearly communicate your rationale and be as transparent as possible.
5. Remain true to your own values.
You don’t need to preach about your personal beliefs in the workplace, but people will notice if there’s a difference between what you value and what you actually do. If you value hard work, are you a hard worker on your team? If you value having an open mind, how open-minded are you when people bring up new ideas in meetings? This is especially important for leaders. The leaders who foster the most confidence are the ones that lead by example.
6. Don’t be that negative person.
You don’t want to be known as the person on the team that constantly complains about everything. The person who never has anything positive to say. You probably know someone like this… that person you dread talking to because you don’t want their negative attitude to leach all your energy.
I’m not saying you need to become a super positive person (that strategy might actually backfire on you). Not everything in life is rainbows and sunshine.
The key here is balance.
Sometimes ranting with your fellow coworkers about a particularly challenging task can be therapeutic. It might even bring you all closer together as you bond over the common “enemy”. But don’t let it become an everyday bad habit. Not only will holding on to all those negative emotions will bring you down, but they can bring people around you down as well. That’s definitely not something you want when you’re trying to instill confidence within a team.
To avoid the “constant complainer” label, work to balance your negative and positive emotions.
When you have concerns about a task, also suggest recommendations or solutions. Presenting recommendations or offering to help implement solutions will make you look more capable and reliable.
7. Show your appreciation.
Take time to appreciate what others are doing for the team. It’s amazing how much confidence a few sincere thank yous will foster! This is especially true when you’re acknowledging a specific action, such as:
- Thank you for the quick response
- Thank you for giving me a heads up
- Thank you for running that analysis
- Thank you for taking the time to find those memos
You can also show your appreciation in a number of other ways. Here are a few examples:
- Periodically emphasizing what’s working out well on the team
- Nominating someone for an award
- Sharing kudos with key contributors (e.g. during a big presentation or if you’ve won an award)
- Sending a detailed note of thanks to someone who’s gone out of their way to help you out (e.g. mentors, advisors, or a super helpful teammate)
- Sending a few notes to someone’s boss to ensure they know how much you appreciate their employee (which can also help that person’s performance appraisal later).
- Return the favor by offering to help someone with their work
- Organizing a team happy hour
- Bringing some homemade cookies or other treats to a meeting
One note of caution: appreciation needs to be sincere. Thanking people can backfire if you’re only doing it to make yourself look good, like trying to flatter your new manager. Also, recognize that different personalities like to be given kudos in different ways.
8. Don’t betray a teammate.
I hope this one is already a no-brainer for you… but just in case: Don’t betray a teammate. If someone tells you something in confidence, don’t betray that trust! Unless, of course, it’s a serious safety concern (i.e. someone can get injured or possibly die if you don’t take action). Just like with any tip, there are always exceptions, but hopefully, those are far and few between!
Similarly, don’t spread rumors or gossip that brings others down. That’s just not cool.
9. Take a stance.
Don’t be afraid to make recommendations, especially if you can back up those recommendations with reasonable rationale. By taking a stance after you’ve gathered the right intelligence, you’re showing people that they can trust your judgment.
You don’t want your teammates or your managers to view you as the person who’s wishy-washy about everything.
10. Get tasks done on time.
Getting tasks done on time is even more important than getting them done perfectly. If you’re juggling a lot of tasks, make sure you discuss priorities so you know which tasks to tackle first. Also, make sure that you understand the purpose behind each task so you can gauge how much effort to put into that task and how to complete it.
People will have more confidence in you the more you show them that you are a reliable teammate. Prove that they can count on you by completing work on time.
If you’re new, you may even want to take this tip a step further by giving yourself an earlier deadline. This could be a presentation outline, a draft report, or a single analysis case. Basically, just enough work to run it by someone else with more experience to help you gauge if you’re on the right path. This will ensure your task is completed on time and that you’re meeting all the task objectives.
11. Stand by your promises.
If you say you’re going to do something, you need to do it. If you make a promise, keep it. And if something pops up that delays your promise, make sure to clearly communicate what’s going on. Life happens. Just don’t make excuses a habit or you’ll risk being labeled as unreliable.
12. Communicate often.
How often will depend on the type of team you’re on and what kind of tasks you’re working on. Some teams already have regular meetings where everyone has the chance to check in. Some teams allow you to work independently and you need to be more proactive with giving statuses. If you’re not sure, don’t be afraid to ask how often you should be checking in with your management or other teammates, and what kind of communication method they prefer (i.e. emails, phone calls, meetings, random drop bys in their office, etc.).
One of my favorite ways to periodically check in one-on-one with coworkers is to go for impromptu walks in between meetings. It’s a great way to stretch my legs and walking outside also gives us a chance to talk honestly without others eavesdropping from nearby cubicles. When I started working remotely, I switched this up to checking in via instant messages and talking via phone while walking (periodic walks are a huge priority for me while working from home, and I’m a fan of multitasking while walking).
13. Master the art of constructive feedback.
Providing constructive feedback
Providing constructive feedback is a skill all of us can continually improve on, especially as we join new teams and learn to interact with different personalities. When providing constructive feedback, it often helps to take time to write down your thoughts first. Think about concrete examples of what that person is doing well with and where they can improve going forward. For areas of improvement, also include rationale (i.e. why they should consider your feedback).
When it comes time to talk to that person, do so in private. Create an environment that allows you both to talk openly and honestly. This could range from a formal performance appraisal in a private office to a simple instant message chat depending how what kind of feedback you need to convey.
Receiving constructive feedback.
Similarly, receiving constructive feedback is also a skill that takes some practice. The most important thing is to listen. Everyone, even the most specialized experts in the world, has room for improvement.
Keep your emotions in check and try to be open to the feedback (even if you don’t agree with it!). If you need to, pause for a few minutes to get some water. Taking a few deep breaths in the hallway and sipping some water can help calm your mind.
As you’re listening to constructive criticism, don’t interrupt or make excuses, especially when you’re working on building confidence and trust. Instead of complaining or deflecting, ask for more examples or more guidance. Or simply say “I appreciate your feedback and I’ll work on ____ next time” or “I appreciate your feedback. I’ll think about ways I can incorporate that going forward.”
14. Delegate responsibly.
If you’re in a leadership position where you need to delegate work, avoid these two delegation pitfalls:
Avoid over-delegation
Create boundaries by clearly defining roles and responsibilities, defining expectations, and setting priorities. You don’t want to burn out individuals on your team by throwing too many tasks their way. You also don’t want to get a reputation for pawning off all your work. Focus on using the strengths and interests across your team. Ask yourself the following:
- Which tasks are you the best at performing and which tasks are so important that you shouldn’t delegate them?
- What tasks are each team member best at performing? What are they interested in doing?
- Can you help train your team in areas where they need more guidance and experience?
Avoid micromanaging
Once you’ve delegated a task, don’t micromanage. Clearly define the objectives of the task, your expectations, when the task needs to be complete, and how often you’d like to receive statuses. Then step back and let them take ownership of it. If you’re training someone, give examples and periodic, constructive feedback. But try to avoid hovering over their shoulder or completely redoing all their hard work. To gain someone’s trust, sometimes you need to trust them first…which will carry into lesson 3.
Go forth and be confident!
What actions are you going to take this week to increase confidence within your team?